Bored Of Me.
I have always been a late bloomer, I'm still late to the party, and that is why I created this site. I wanted to create a place where people can share in their words what they struggle with, what they have achieved and where they want to be. While I don't have many who share, I truly believe it is essential to bounce off each other because everything in this world has been done in some form or another, so why are we not talking about it?
Which brings me to 2018, and my New Year Resolution. I have big news; I'm not setting a resolution because I wholeheartedly believe they don't work, except for the friend I had in the sixth grade who went a whole year without eating chocolate. But, hey we didn't have our periods yet, so I guess it was doable.
What I am doing in 2018 is called the Bored Of Me Project. I've become a very complacent person. I'm very comfortable with my life and while there is nothing wrong with being comfortable, I've never been bored of who I am. I've always tried to climb higher, run faster and do things that I will most definitely probably fail. Then something happened when I was pregnant with my son. I began a fast track to complacency, unintentionally. Here is how; I worked at a job that I finally loved and could see myself being at forever. I started to deep dive into motherhood and career life at the same time. I realized I had no clue what I was doing, but I worked at it and did all I could to do my best in both avenues. When I decided that I was going to commit to motherhood and my career entirely I started to phase out other aspects of my life; I went steady with these two decisions. The honeymoon stage was blissful, and I enjoyed being a working mom and everything that came with it. My career was booming, and I was growing leaps and bounds. My son and I were able to bond more now that I wasn't working nights and seeing him mainly on the weekends. Things rolled like this for years.
I started to hear a small voice inside, a fire that was stoking and I kept putting it out, and then one morning I woke up and realized I was bored of who I am. I don't feel jazzed to get up and continue doing what I do on autopilot day in and day out. I went through a bout of depression and anxiety. For the first time in my life, I didn't recognize who I saw in the mirror. I've never been one to give up my dreams, not go for something weird, crazy or different.
So this year, I am going to work on myself, so I can look in the mirror and be proud of who is staring back at me again. I want to recognize that girl who walked door to door when she was 14 selling cookies that she didn't have a recipe or supplies for because she needed money to go to dance camp, the girl who boldly told her employer they'd regret not hiring her, and the girl who enjoyed everything in life.
Find my passion again.
Give into what I love.
How I'm going to do it - one step at a time. Starting with listing what I'd like to accomplish this year. Some of these are extreme, but they are my extreme, and just as I tell others I will say to myself - what is life without extreme?
1. Write a novel
2. Get microblading
3. Buy and color a Barbie coloring book
4. Learn calligraphy
5. Start a YouTube series
6. Travel to Maine and Nova Scotia
7. Wake up excited to be awake again
8. Find the best hot chocolate in Las Vegas
9. Dust off my DSLR
10. Find a skincare routine that I love
11. Audition for a Christmas Hallmark movie
12. Practice meditation seriously
13. Be happy in my career again
14. Be a more present friend
15. Create my portfolio
The first step of my project is now complete. Everyone who reads this (hi, husband) now knows my intent. So let's get cracking.