Where Ever You Go… Go with All Your Heart
By: Crystal Allen
Moving to a new city where you know no one and have no connections, can be incredibly daunting for most people. There are those rare breeds who fall in love with the idea of starting over in a new place, and I happen to be one of them. I have lived in many different cities. I thrive on connecting with new people and experiencing new things, but my latest cross country move has by far been the hardest. It has been almost three years since the move, and I still haven’t connected here as I had hoped.
I was excited to move cross country. My previous residence was starting to get stale, and I was ready for a new adventure. I did all the research and joined local groups online to initiate the connection to new people. Then before you knew it, I was done packing, and we were pulling out of the state.
The hardest part about leaving for both my husband and I, were the friendships and relationships that we had built over the years. We had surrounded ourselves with a supportive community, and although we knew we would miss them, we decided together that it was time to go. We chose our current location because it was close (not too close) to where my husband’s family lived, and we figured that if we were going to be leaving the military life, we needed to be somewhere that would provide support. It's kind of silly now that I think about it because we did have support there all along.
As soon as we pulled into our new state, I immediately dove right in, just like I always do. I may be a stay at home mom but rarely do we stay home. I knew that if I was going to love it here, we had to get out and explore. If I was going to be happy here, we needed to find a new community of friends. I went to parks and museums and the zoo and the science center. Basically, to any and all places that I knew I would find other moms.
After only six months of living here, we hated it, and this is something I've never experienced before. I felt like I had tried so hard to love it but for some reason, I couldn’t. I was miserable, and so was my husband. Our frustration and unhappiness started to affect our marriage. I’ll be honest, it was not a good time for us, and the only thing we could agree on was how much we hated this place. We were hypercritical of everything. The weather, the people, the bugs… oh the bugs, the food (or lack thereof), the southern mentality… just all of it. We started putting our energy into figuring out how to make a move back. After 6 months of trying to go back, we came to the conclusion that it just wasn’t time for us to leave yet.
I realized much later that I had not fully brought my heart with us on this move. I was missing the life that we left in Vegas so much that I couldn’t see that it wasn’t as bad as we thought it was. Where we are living is still not our ideal place, but in the beginning, we never truly gave it a chance and frankly we never cared to. It took a lot of frustration and disappointment from our attempts to leave before we gave in and gave it a chance. I began to put more energy into making this place our home even if it was temporary. My husband found a better place to work that enabled him to have more family time. We made a conscious choice to love where we are and what we are doing even if it's not everything we thought it would be.
Now after giving it a real chance, we can confidently say that we will not be here forever, but making an effort to take control of your choices and make the best of them is why we feel like we ended up here. No matter where we will go after this, we have learned one thing. You have to be present and give your whole heart to whatever choice you make.
What have you learned from moving cross country or making a life changing choice? Sound off in the comments below or email us at email@example.com.